Info-Leeches and other E-Invertebrates

Before we discuss the subject of death, we should discuss the subject of grief. And that is that there are basically 5 stages of grief that one undergoes when one encounters a loss, whether it’s a broken relationship, bankruptcy, a loved one’s death, ones own impending death, or any other loss. They are in order of their occurrence 1) denial, 2) anger, 3) bargaining,
4)depression, and 5) acceptance. You could skip a stage, or perhaps go back and forth, but in general these are the stages people go through when one experiences a loss.

1st Internet Question: WHY DO SOME OF THE YOUNG PEOPLE DIE SO YOUNG? AND WHY, EVEN THOUGH WE PRAY FOR THEIR HEALING, SOME NEVER GET WELL, AND CONTINUE TO SUFFER AND DIE?

The answers I’ve received on 2 Christian websites indicate that nobody really knows. Basically they say that death is caused by inherited sin, and many of the deaths of the young people are caused by the sinful nature of others, while other deaths of the young, such as in cancer, can’t really be explained. They also seem to be saying, which I agree with, that God really doesn’t cause these deaths, but we do feel that He can use these occasions to strengthen us in our faith of Him, or perhaps even teach us a lesson.

2nd Internet Question: WHY IN HEALING SERVICES DO SOME PEOPLE GET MIRACLE CURES AND OTHERS DON’T?

The answers again which I’ve received on the same 2 Christian websites indicate that many feel that this is just a show and that there really is no medical verification of the fact that these people were really healed at the healing service. Others on these websites believe that God does heal, but only in prayerful small groups without a lot of fanfare. While others feel we really don’t know, although if a person does have a positive attitude, it helps a great deal. One said that the sovereignty of God is actually foreign to us. I feel that while God answers some prayers the way we want, some even better than we want, many others He doesn’t answer the way we desire, but even so, in our prayer time we tend to feel more content in that at least we know that God is with us in our disappointment.

3rd Internet Question: HOW WOULD YOU RELATE TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE LOST LOVED ONES THROUGH DEATH? WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY SAY TO THEM?

(Responses come from 2 Christian websites)

1) Mat says: Through Jesus Christ we have hope in the resurrection.

2) George says: Many times when I have gone to a funeral or to a home of a Christian who has just lost a loved one, I go with the intent of offering comfort. When I leave I realize I received more comfort than I gave. However, I have no idea what to say to someone who is not a Christian and has just lost a loved one.

3) Jack says: There’s a lot of verses that you can throw out at a person on a resurrected eternal life, but if you just throw out verses you risk being cold and insensitive. I never know just what to say myself, but just hug and love them so that they may see the love of Jesus Christ.

4) Laura says: Don’t say anything, just listen, and talk if they need you too.

5) Alice says: When we lost Dad to a heart attack, the ones who were the most comfort to Mom were those who just gave her a good hug, a shoulder and an ear. Praying for strength and comfort is a huge blessing and we could feel the lifting up of our spirit. Maybe it’s just our family, but none of us could remember any words of comfort. Perhaps this is because of the numbness of
our grief.

6) Jay says: I’ve never found it easy. It depends on the person. I usually just say I’m sorry it happened and express a share of their sadness.

7) Sam says: Sadly, I’ll be trying to find the right words soon. One of my Mom’s best friends was murdered this past week. It’s incredably sad. I don’t know if there are any words we can plan to say really. As Jay says, it depends on the person and the situation. Any loss of a loved one is a sad situation, but it’s probably sadder if the loss is of a child or one in the prime of his or her life. So I guess the best words are just to let the person know that we care and that they are in our thoughts and prayers.

BJ says: What I say is something that let’s them know that I am sorry, saddened to hear of their loss, and then ask them how they are doing with things, and if I can help them in anyway.

4th Internet Question: SHOULD YOU TELL ONE THAT HE OR SHE IS TERMINALLY ILL? IF SO, HOW? WOULD THE PATIENTS KNOW ANYWAY WITHOUT YOUR TELLING THEM? HOW WOULD YOU RELATE TO A TERMINALLY ILL PERSON? HOW DO YOU RECONCILE THIS WITH ALWAYS BEING TRUTHFUL AS SCRIPTURE SEEMS TO INDICATE YOU SHOULD BE?

1) Corbin says: I know I would want to know.

2) Ralph says: I just went through this with my best friend, Dan, actually. He died last February 6th at the age of 44. Sixteen months after he was diagnosed with cancer. For most of that time, the prognosis was not actually terminal, but about 3 months before he died, they pretty much told him he wouldn’t make it. Still they kept telling him to try experimental treatments and were even giving him chemotherapy almost to the day of his death. I don’t know if they really thought there was any chance or were just trying to give him some hope to help keep him going. In a way, it made that time a little easier for me since, in the back of my mind, I always felt there was still the possibility that he might beat it, however slim. I also think it may be important to give a dying person at least some hope just to make his or her final days bearable. Good post.

3) Shirley says: In spite of the sensitivity of the subject, I think it would be more cruel to withhold the truth from one who was dying. I went through the experience with my mother who died in 2000 from a rare blood disorder. She had 3 years after her diagnosis and about 1 year left when she was told that her condition was terminal. Knowing seemed to “free” her somhow. She began to do things she’d been afraid to do before, thinking it might somehow worsen her condition. She took trips and visited friends and relatives for as long as she was physically able. She planned her funeral, picking out her own casket and pallbearers. She chose the person to give the service; she chose her dress and the music she wanted - one song - “You’ll Never Walk Alone”. She made a will and paid her funeral expenses so that my sister and I would not be burdened or have to make all these choices after her death. She requested that we sign paperwork refusing to have her resusitated by artificial means when the time came for her to die. She didn’t want to be kept on life support and have my sister and I to have to decide if and when to discontinue it. My mother was one of the most courageous women I’ve ever known, and I’m sure that she was glad to know her true condition and appreciative for the time she had to take care of her affairs before her death.

4) Mary says: I don’t think there’s a hard and fast rule for this question. It would depend very much on the patient - whether you knew they were likely to be able to acceept it or spend their last days in misery or terror because they’d been told. My mother knew without being told and would have been very annoyed not to know because she took considerable pleasure in being able to sort out her affairs and make her peace - but she was that sort of woman. I would certainly want to know, probably because I take after my mother. As to truthfulness, there’s such a thing as being unnecessarily truthful, if the dying person doesn’t know and would be desperately upset by the news. It would be unChristian surely and certainly cruel to force the unwelcome news on them. And sometimes when a dying person feels stifled by their relatives’ and friends’ grief, they often want deseparetly to talk about it, so it’s really up to those around them to help them with that, because it can help them accept what is happening and to make the best of the time that is left for them.

5) Carlos says: I wonder if we cheat people by refusing to tell them that they are dying, because if they don’t already know it takes time to die. There are a lot of responsibilities to tie up. There are people you would like to meet one more time to say those things you never got around to saying, to forgive and ask forgiveness. You can get so tired of hearing the phony happy talk from the medical people, family and friends, because it gets in the way of getting ready for one of the most important experiences in our lives, that of preparing to leave this life. I speak from personal experience as I have started dying more than a few times. Having chronic illnesses, I am well aware that at some point it will kill, or the complications related to my illnesses will kill me. That is barring that some accident doesn’t get me first. Death is never very far away from my thoughts and I have made my peace with it. I don’t give up, but I am not afraid of it. However from my experience, I know my mood jumps all over the place when death seems to be approaching. So when the time actually comes, I don’t know how I’ll react. But denying death, interferes with living life fully. How often do we put things off to later and never
actually get around to do them. Once you realize you can and will die, you dive more into living and put off fewer things. It is less what we do and more of what we haven’t done that we usually regret. Death is not our enemy because it’s what makes life so precious.

5th Internet Question: IF A DOCTOR TOLD YOU THAT YOU ONLY HAD 5 TO 6 MONTHS TO LIVE, HOW WOULD YOU REACT? WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH THE REST OF YOUR LIFE THAT WAS AVAILABLE?

1) Martin says: I would trust in God rather than believing in the doctor. Obviously I would not think he was a quack. I’d heed his advice, but I’d rather trust in God, because the doctor is not always right. There are many people who were supposed to have died years ago but who are sill living today.

2) Jack says: Hopefully I would do the same thing I’m doing now. If I got that type of news and felt I had to change my life, it means I really hadn’t been leading the type of life I should have been leading in the first place.

3) Albert says: I’d quit work and collect my insurance, go on a world trip and see my relatives and friends around the world and probably keep preaching. Of course, I would check it out with the Lord first.

4) Jim says: I agree with JAC. Why should we live any different if we had only 6 months to live when our lives can be taken at anytime?

5) Sam says: This a very good question to think about.

6) Carlos says: Well it depends on what you could still do, both financially and physically. I’ve been near death several times with chronic illnesses, and because of this, I believe I appreciate life much more than many who seem to drift through life under some sort of belief that they have plenty of time to get around to living their lives. Life is really shorter than they think.

7) Corbin says: I think you should live each day as if it’s the last day of your life. Of course you should plan for the future, but still you should not depend on the future. God will take care of that.

6th Internet Question: ARE YOU AFRAID TO DIE? WHY OR WHY NOT? IF YOU ARE, ARE YOU AFRAID TO LIVE ( ENJOY LIFE ) AS WELL? MANY PEOPLE FEEL THAT IF YOU’RE AFRAID TO DIE, YOU’RE REALLY AFRAID TO LIVE ALSO.

1) Joe says: No, I’m not afraid to die- I have the blessed hope in Jesus that when I do pass on I will be going from death to life. However, I do wonder when I die how will it be. Will it be quick, in my sleep, will I suffer and if I do, will I do it graciously or will I complain? I do love life though.

2) Eddy says: Not as such. I love life, and I want mine to continue for a long time. I would worry about my family. Every family needs a father. But dead and what lies beyond holds no terrors.

3) Fran says: Afraid to die, not really. Saddened somewhat at the prospect of leaving loved ones behind. However, I know I will see them again. I leave it in the Lord’s hands and do the best I can while I am here in this mortal world/body.

4) Mat says: I am not afraid of death. I know my reward awaits me - whatever it is. I fear dying. I have seen so much dying under horrendous conditions, especially in wartime. I really fear pain more than the reward.

5) Corbin says: I’m not afraid to die, but I do fear the process, especially when pain is involved. I just can’t
stand pain.

6) Carlos says? I have no fear of dying at all. But when the time comes, I have no idea what my reaction will be. Living has risks. There is really no safe way to live. If we are unwilling to take any risk, we will never fully live, although we will try to put the risks in our favor. We must always be aware that anything we have, including life, can be taken away at any time. So we must fully enjoy life and appreciate what we have when we have it.

7) Ruth says: Yes, I would have to say I am more afraid of dying than not for 2 main reasons 1) I don’t want to leave my kids behind without a mom, and 2) I might be wrong in my understanding of what it takes to spend eternity with God. Good topic though.

Sean says: I’m afraid to die because I enjoy living so much, and I’m afraid that eternity could be a disappointment.

7th Internet Question: WHAT WORDS ON A TOMBSTONE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BEST DESCRIBE THE SUMMATION OF YOUR LIFE? I ASK THIS QUESTION BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD DO NOT SEEM TO HAVE A LONG RANGE GOAL FOR LIFE, AND THIS QUESTION MAY HELP THEM IN FORMULATING SUCH A GOAL.

1) Fran says: “I loved and was loved”. Life doesn’t get any better than this.

2) Jack says: “Spent his life packing his bag and sending stuff ahead - now he’s gone home”

3) Carl says: “This Witch has left this life and gone onto the next. Why are you wasting time here just reading this text” Actually, if you believe in reincarnation as I do, you will have many lives to correct the many regrets you might have in previous lives, and so you don’t really have to put anything on your tombstone.

4) Mick says: If the tombstone can wait, who knows what my life may bring in the future.

5) Sarah says: I heard two opinions which seemed quite original: They were 1) “See, I told you I was sick.” and 2) “Still vacant”.

6) Corbin says: I would put “I was a Christian nudist” because these were the 2 events that were most meaningful to me during my lifetime.

LIVING FOREVER

If you’re afraid of death, the only other option that you would have is living forever. And if this is your choice, and since you still can’t avoid death in this mortal world, you would have to have your body frozen, or put in a deep sleep, until science finds a cure for what killed you. If eventually death can be humanly defeated, what would be the consequences of such an event. I believe, and the respondees on 2 Christian websites seem to agree, that the consequences would be

1) overpopulation, which could stretch our natural resources to their ultimate limit

2) much more competition for employment

3) much more hatred being expressed due to all the economic hardships taking place

4) much more boredom due to the lack of adventure being sought because of much more time on our hands

5) no solutions for accidents still happening which could leave you crippled for eternity

6) no answer for evil still existing in our midst

7) no hope for another life that would free us from all our human worries.

I was born in New York City in 1931, grew up on Long Island, graduated from Roanoke College in Virginia with a BA in Political Science, and from New York Theological Seminary with a Masters Degree in Religious Education. I became a committed Christian in 1958, and after a number of years became a committed Ecumenical Christian. I worked as an accountant in various companies for about 25 years in New York City, then moved down to Argentina and worked for about 21 years as a Business English Conversationalist Teacher with some of the top managers. My greatest life-changing experience occurred in the early 70’s when I became very active for about 3 years in a social nudest (both sexes) camp. I also became a Stephen Minister (trained counselor) while down here. I have been married twice (the last to an Argentine), widowed once, and have no children, but one cat. If you want to contact me, you
can do so via (corbinwr@yahoo.com).

I arrived at work that night as always: rushed, tired, frustrated, like most of us seem to be these days. I took it for granted that it would be just another night at work; that nothing would change, that everyone and everything, was fine. But I quickly learned everything wasn’t fine.

When I got to work, I was told some shocking news. But even more shocking to me, no… appalling to me, was the fact that given what had happened, no one seemed affected in the least by it. Sure, life goes on. We all know that. People were laughing and joking; people were carrying on as if they had not a care in the world, as if nothing had happened. I don’t fault them for that, not at all. I’m all for the fun side of life. It helps greatly to take away the pressures we constantly face. But surely they would have felt sadness, even for a brief moment? Maybe they would have had an even passing reflection upon their own lives?

No, it seemed not. Why is that? And why did what I learned affect me so tremendously?

Sure, I was at work; I had a job to do, and life was going on, but my attitude was rather subdued. I had a lot on my mind, and I found myself getting annoyed every time I was needed, because my thoughts, I felt, were being intruded upon. I had to take some time to come to terms with what happened.

It further annoyed me for some reason that no one else felt as I did. I wondered why.

But then I thought, why should that bother me? Surely no one else thinks about what may or may not be going through my head. Seldom does anyone ask me what I’m thinking. I kind of like it that way. But then again, therein lies an ugly truth about the human race.

Seldom does anyone ask what is going on in someone else’s head. We’re so preoccupied with our own lives that we rarely have time for anyone else. And that makes us appear as if we are cold, and unfeeling, and uncaring. Granted, some persons are that way, and there will always be some people like that. But the people I work with have feelings. They laugh, they grumble, they raise their voices at times; in short, they are capable of feeling something. But not empathy?

Not empathy for the life of a man that was cut short, albeit, of his own hand, but who is gone, nonetheless, because no one took the time to show him they cared enough about him to reach out to him.

I’m not immune to my own words. I’m not leaving myself out of the equation. I could make excuses for myself, sure, such as, I didn’t know him well enough, which is bull because I’ve reached out to total strangers before, as have many people I know.

Maybe I felt he was unapproachable.

Or maybe he hid it so well that we might have one day gone to him for help, because he looked strong; he looked as if he had the world by its reins.

Whatever… Who knows. But it’s a hard lesson learned, yet again. For me, and maybe for someone else. It can happen to anyone.

This man was one of the last people I’d ever dreamed that would take his own life. It’s so easy to take life for granted. It’s so easy to let your problems go unheeded; to allow them to continue to simmer on a backburner in a corner of your mind while the rest of your being comes to a slow boil, thus ending in the inevitable explosion. And that explosion can come in any form.

Why do we let it go to that extreme? Why don’t we, as individuals, deal with what we have as we get it? My God, it would greatly reduce and/or eliminate so much stress, so much sadness, hurt, anger, rage and everything that comes with those emotions.

When we reach our limits, our boiling point, so to speak, there’s no telling what the outcome will be. We don’t even know till the deed is done, and most times, it’s too late for help. We have destroyed ourselves, and countless others. In reaching out to ourselves, we can also reach out to others who might need our help.

It’s not selfish to take care of you first; we all have that right, and yes, the responsibility. The responsibility of self. In doing that, only then can we reach out to others. What is selfish is to continue to let your problems and worries go unheeded only to finally answer that call with a result that goes way beyond desirable. All that can result from reaching that boiling point is more pain for others.

But we can reverse this trend.

Simply put, take care of yourself. You’re the only one of you that you have. The only one of you that anyone has.

We all need to learn to take care of ourselves and each other.

Somewhere along the line, a lot of our humanity has been lost. It’s time to get it back. And we can.

Everything takes work. Including working on ourselves. The results can only be positive.

Not only for us, but for those who care about us.

*IN MEMORY OF GASTEN HOWELL* JULY 25 1940-MARCH 28 2001

LifeWriter is an author on http://www.Writing.Com/
which is a site for Creative Writing.

She writes frequently on issues of child abuse, mental health and animal issues.

Overcoming death and beginning once again to live is the one thing that we never anticipate can happen after we have experienced death. The truth is however, that whether we like it or not life continues on. The decision that we need to make is whether we wish to move on with life.

It can often help to remember that although our loved ones have left us in this life they are still there watching over us and guiding us through the rest of our lives. They will never stop loving us and will never fully leave us. As long as we need them they will be there.

Taking the first step is always the hardest and this is where sharing your feelings can help, be it sharing with someone close or a stranger or even through writing, expressing how we feel is always the first and hardest step in the recovery from death. I know that I say recovery but let me assure you that you will never fully recover, once you have been touched by death your life changes and you as a person also change. Your outlook on life changes and you finally understand that life is but a pathway to death.

Life will always continue to progress and a new day will always follow night. Even after death, life be it the one thing we wish we could control is just like death itself uncontrollable. Learning to live again is one of the hardest things we face after death but like life it is something that happens. Through writing and expressing what we feel we help to deal with the emotions we are feeling, the grief, the pain, the anger and the loss, all these feeling can be spilled out onto the paper and can help to ease the suffering. These writings just like the ones in this book may in turn help others come to terms with their pain and suffering.

This is an abstract from a new book titled “From Those Death Left Behind”. A book to help promote suicide awareness. This book has been written by a family who have survived suicide and they hope by sharing their inner most thoughts and feelings they can help to educate and promote a greater understanding of the suffering caused by Suicide. This book can be purchased as both a downloadable ebook or a paperback from Lulu.com. http://www.lulu.com/content/120733 All proceeds from this book are to be donated to the various bereavement and suicide organisations worldwide.

Amanda Evans is webmaster for http://www.amandawrites.com a website dedicated to helping others achieve their dreams of becoming writers. You can subscribe to the free monthly newsletter Writers Passion.

1. Don’t use your will or safety deposit box to hold a description of arrangements you have made for your funeral! Funerals usually take place (including disposal of the body) less then a week after the person dies. The Will does not even get officially read until after the funeral has taken place! By then it is too late. So a Will, in itself, is no guarantee that you will have the funeral that you want.

2. Final expense insurance for burial arrangements does not protect against inflation. It is just an insurance policy designed to deliver a predetermined lump sum.

3. You’re possibly thinking, “I wouldn’t know what to do”. Strangely enough, the first instinct most people have is to call the family doctor, and as it happens, this is the first thing to do if the death occurs at home. The family doctor (or a locum if necessary) will attend and confirm the fact of death, and will later complete a death certificate (and a cremation certificate if required).

4. Many funeral homes require embalming if you’re planning a viewing or visitation. But embalming generally is not necessary or legally required if the body is buried or cremated shortly after death. Eliminating this service can save you hundreds of dollars.

5. There are a couple of reasons why funerals are important. The first is technical - a funeral makes sure that a body is legally buried or cremated. The second reason is that a funeral helps the family come to terms with the death. It is important to remember that a funeral is not for the dead, it is for the living.

6. Scattering the cremated remains after cremation can leave family and friends without a place or manner in which to pay tribute. You can satisfy both your wishes and those of family and friends through permanent memorialization. This gives your family and friends a place to visit, which often helps in the recovery process. Keep in mind that federal, state and local regulations may limit the areas where cremation remains may be scattered.

7. Children should be given the opportunity to attend a funeral, especially that of a close relative. However, they should never be forced to go. It is always helpful to explain what to expect at the funeral before the child is asked to decide if he or she wants to share in the experience. As parents are the best judge of the character of their children, they are usually aware if a child is likely to be ‘too sensitive’ to attend or is likely to become hysterical.

8. Helping a grieving friend often means that you too will share some of the pain. This takes courage and a special kind of friendship. Your friend may want to talk, cry, share, reminisce or even just sit in silence with you. A good time to visit a bereaved friend is “after the flowers have died”, that is after about a week or two. It’s also important to maintain regular contact with your friend six to eight weeks after the death.

9. Floral tributes can either be sent to the funeral home or the residence. If sent to the residence, usually a planter or a small vase of flowers indicating a person’s continued sympathy for the family is suggested. The florist places an identification card on the floral tribute. At the funeral home the cards are removed from the floral tributes and given to the family so they may acknowledge the tributes sent.

10. Extra funeral services may include embalming, other preparation of the body, and transfer of the remains from the place of death to the funeral home in town or to or from a location out of town. Facilities and equipment may include use of the funeral home for a viewing or visitation, funeral ceremony, and use of the hearse and flower car, limousine and other automobiles. Merchandise may include the casket, the vault, or the urn.

Copyright Glenda Erceg.

For more funeral and cremation resources visit http://funeralandcremationinfo.com

This article may be used without permission as long as it is shown in its entirety with links intact.

Psychological well-being is something that we all have a right to. However, for a variety of reasons to do with upbringing, life experiences, physiology, environment and so on… we often find ourselves with a mind-state other than what we desire. Depression, anxiety, and stress seem to be the major obstacles to just feeling good - judging by the number of visits to doctors for help with these problems.

It doesn’t really matter what the label is for your particular problem, if you follow the seven steps diligently, there will be an improvement in your general feeling of well being.

The Seven Steps are:

1. Acceptance
2. Releasing guilt
3. Expressing Appreciation
4. Physical exercise
5. Creative activity
6. Right livelihood
7. Meditation

They need to be taken in sequence. Total mastery is not required, but the time to move on is when you feel, or get a sense, that some movement has taken place within your mind. Psychological shifts are felt with a lightness, better sleep, smiling, singing, noticing beauty around you, wanting to do something different, spring cleaning…

Acceptance:

Acceptance is the single most important step to take. Acceptance is giving up being a victim. Acceptance is giving up giving up. Acceptance is a declaration of intent to move forward with life rather than continue to stagnate and blame circumstances or individuals for how things are.

Acceptance is the shift towards accepting that whatever is going on in your life is your responsibility. It is recognising that you are where you are because of the choices you have made in life. And if this means that you have to accept the crazy idea that you made a choice to suffer from a physical illness, then you do just that - accept it. Acceptance is no longer fighting. Once you no longer fight, you no longer resist. Once you no longer resist you can move with the flow.

Every single thing, big or small, good or bad, you simply say to yourself “I accept that this is going on for me right now”. You don’t have to like it. You don’t have to keep it forever. You just have to accept it in the present moment if it’s there.

The truth is that it’s there whether or not you accept it. So by accepting you are not making things worse, because you’ve already got it. You are just changing your position in relation to it.

Accept also that the thinking that got you where you are is unlikely to get you out - otherwise it would have already done so. You need to think differently. Acceptance is thinking differently. Acceptance is approaching the problem with wisdom. If you are so frightened you can’t go outside without a companion, and even then you are terrified, then just accept that that’s the way you are right now. You don’t have to understand why you are like that, you just need to acknowledge it. “I am too frightened to go out right now, so I’ll stay in”; “I’m really worried about my new boss right now, but that’s okay, worry is a natural event in the face of difficult circumstances”; “I feel really depressed, but that’s okay, it’s just my mind’s way of preparing me for change”. You can always find something to say to yourself that is accepting.

Releasing Guilt:

Guilt is something we are taught to experience. It is unnatural. Guilt can be experienced in the form: I did something I shouldn’t have done and now I feel bad; or I didn’t do something I should have done and now I feel bad; either way this is a self-created guilt. Or it can be induced “you should feel bad because…” when you behaved in a way that someone disapproved of; or in the form “well I was planning on going out tonight and I almost never go out with my mates and you go out all the time, but if you really want to go out, then I’ll stay in… don’t think there’s much on telly…”.

Whatever you did or didn’t do is done or not done. Feeling bad about it can’t undo it. This style of guilt is a belief in a Time Machine. It is engaging in fantasy. What is in the past is in the past. Either own up and take the consequences, or don’t. Choose which it is to be and then consign the experience to the past where it belongs and shift your attention to the present moment.

Emotional blackmail is the other way guilt is commonly experienced. Just stop playing that game. If you accept responsibility for your own feelings, then you must allow others to do the same. Do what you want to do and as long as you are not physically or psychologically harming others then that’s ok. Someone sulking because you are having more fun than them won’t do them any harm. When you give in to emotional blackmail you are effectively walking round with a big sign on your back saying - Abuse me, I don’t mind.

Expressing Appreciation:

This is one of the most difficult steps to master, so remember mastery is not the goal. The real problem with expressing appreciation is that many people feel uncomfortable when appreciation is expressed for something they have done “it was nothing”, “don’t mention it”, “anyone would have done it”.

Let’s say you decide to buy a gift for someone you love (not a sexual partner, a friend) just so they know how important they are in your life. You spend a lot of time choosing the gift. You wrap it beautifully and present it to them. They take one look and hand it back. How would you feel? Most people would feel at least a little hurt.

Appreciation is a gift.

Appreciation is a gift of love.

When someone does something for you that you like - let them know. Write an e-mail, send a letter, give a bigger tip, say something more than the ritual “thank you” - “thank you that was nice”, “I really enjoyed…”, “you are very thoughtful”…

Money is a wonderful way to express appreciation. Buy from those whom you appreciate. Send donations. Offer payment where none is expected.

And as you start to express appreciation more and more in your life you will find one day that when someone offers that gift of appreciation to you, you will not reject it you will accept it with “thanks, that’s really nice of you to say”.

Physical Exercise:

However much exercise you get you can always increase it. There is much truth in the old adage - A healthy mind in a healthy body.

Exercise is the expression of appreciation for your beautiful body. Your body is such a miraculous creation - so complex, so incredibly amazing - that it would be a rejection at the deepest level for you to ignore its physical well-being. It doesn’t matter how unfit you are. You can always exercise more than you are doing. Exercise releases endorphins. You feel better after exercise. The benefits are cumulative. It provides more oxygen to the brain, creates more alertness, awakens the immune system and so makes it easier to fight pathogens. But most of all it establishes a discipline and routine that is frequently lacking when mental health is poor. This change alone will improve the situation. Should you have any physical health problems then seek your doctor’s advice about exercise.

Creative Activity:

Everyone is a creative being. Stifling our creative outlet leads to poor mental health Our creativity is frequently stifled long before we realise what is happening, and then it seems too late because we believe what we have been told about ourselves. Creativity is about expressing yourself in the world. If you create a simple, badly written story with atrocious spelling and poor grammar, then you have expressed yourself creatively. Your creative works don’t have to be seen by others. Others tend to judge, and if you decide to create in an area where others have much greater expertise then your creation will not initially withstand comparison. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.

Photography and gardening have been loves of mine since I was 14. I decided to combine the two interests and my photographs developed a distinctly horticultural slant. At one point I wanted to share them with the world and offered them for sale. It was a while before I made my first sale, and another while before one of my pictures adorned the cover of a magazine. One day I looked back at those first photographs I offered. I felt embarrassed at the poor quality - compared to my later work. But it was only by taking more and more pictures, looking at what was being published, and constantly improving that I achieved my dream of a picture on a magazine cover. But the important thing was that I enjoyed what I was doing. I didn’t have to show them to the world. I didn’t have to place them in the market for comparison with others who had much greater skill and experience than I. But I did need to take the pictures. It was part of who I was and how I needed to express myself. My pleasure came from the picture taking, looking at the pictures, and constantly seeking ways to become more skilled at my craft.

Express yourself in something that you love to do. Show it only if you want to, but don’t stop doing it while you love what you do.

Right Livelihood:

In a way this follows on from the previous step. It is the logical consequence of expressing yourself through what you love to do.

Now lest you are becoming concerned that I might ask you to do something you can’t do - like find another job - I never ask anyone to do what they can’t do. I might, however, ask you to ask yourself what exactly is it that is stopping you from doing it. At least that way you can move towards an acceptance of the barrier to happiness.

From time to time I ask the people I encounter “If you could be doing anything you wanted to do, would you choose your current livelihood?”. I’ve yet to meet someone who answered ‘yes’ to that question. Those people are out there. They just don’t need to come to see me.

People tend to either hate what they do, but it’s all they can get in the way of work; or their work is okay, but they are earning too much money to give it up and do something fun for a living.

Look to how you feel when you get up in the morning on a workday. Is there any excitement or sense of anticipation or looking forward to the challenges of the day ahead? This is a good sign. If there is dread, a wishing for the day to be over, tiredness, or a general lack of enthusiasm - then something needs to change, either the work or the attitude towards it.

Go back to step one and accept whatever it is you are engaged in right now. Accept that you would like to be doing something more fun but that you don’t know how to bring about the change, or you are fearful of taking the necessary steps. That’s all. As best you can find small pleasures in what you do - even if it’s just the appreciation for how the income makes life better than life would be without that income; or appreciation for the good feeling that comes from making a contribution that benefits someone, somewhere.

And then make a list of all the things you love to do.
And then write a fantasy job description for an income-generating job doing each of the things on your list.

Then find a way to do one of the things you love to do for free.

Meditation:

Meditation is a mind/body regenerating exercise. Aim initially for 10 minutes once a day at a regular time and place. If you have such a busy schedule that you haven’t got 10 minutes to spare then I’ll tell you how you can create 10 minutes out of nothing. But I know you won’t do it, because “I haven’t got time for 10 minutes meditation every day” is just an excuse to avoid coming face to face with yourself.

There are plenty of books and articles on meditation so I won’t go into the technique here. But I would also like you to consider that in part I am suggesting quiet space for you to relax and let go of the busy-ness in your mind for a few minutes on a daily basis. This is a regenerating activity.

It is essential.

It is rejuvenating.

It is the most difficult step, and therefore, it has the capacity to bring about the greatest sense of achievment.

… and if you really want to know how to get the free 10 minutes then you’ll have to e-mail me.

Michael J. Hadfield MBSCH is a registered clinical hypnotherapist. You can experience his unique style on a popular range of hypnosis CD’s and tapes at http://www.hypnosisiseasy.com. Here you can also obtain treatment for a variety of problems and explore his approach to health, healing, and hypnosis.

Before I begin…

I am a Post Viral Fatigue Syndrome / Chronic Fatigue Syndrome sufferer myself but I am not medically trained! I am merely passing on to you, things I have read and learnt which may interest you. I am not a ‘health expert’, so please - if you come across anything in this article that you find interesting, do a little research on it yourself and contact your doctor or health professional about it before taking any advice from this article.

Depression, anxiety and sleep disorders can all be symptoms of ME/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Whereas some ME/CFS sufferers may never experience depression and anxiety as symptoms of their ME/CFS, others unfortunately do.

For example, according to Dr Shepherd in his book ‘Living With ME’, true clinical depression probably affects between 25-33% of ME/CFS sufferers at some stage.

Many ME/CFS sufferers are prescribed antidepressants to help them sleep and to ease their fatigue (even if they are not depressed). But although prescribed antidepressants do help **some** ME/CFS sufferers, others find that they experience bad side-effects.

St Johns Wort (also known as Hypericum perforatum) is an interesting natural alternative to prescription antidepressants.

Many medics seem to say that it has far fewer side effects, yet it apparently works just as effectively as common SSRI antidepressants such as Prozac, Paxil/Seroxat and Zoloft. In fact, according to Dr Charles Shepherd in his book ‘Living With M.E.’ (mentioned above), St John’s Wort seems to have a lower incidence of side effects (around 20%) - much lower than that seen with conventional antidepressant drugs (around 60%).

—– SIDE NOTE ——
For more information about the ‘darker side’ of SSRI antidepressants visit:

http://www.sleepydust.net/DEPRESSION-MEDICINE.html

—– SIDE NOTE ——

With a 2,400 year history of safe and effective use, the use of St Johns Wort has risen dramatically recently, especially in Britain. And in Germany, they apparently use St Johns Wort a lot to treat depression, anxiety and sleep disorders, all of which, as mentioned earlier, can be symptoms of ME/CFS.

St John’s Wort has both anti-viral and anti-depressive properties and has been used by Europeans for centuries as a remedy for:

- sleep
- depression
- anxiety
- PMS
- menstrual cramps
- menopausal stress
- irritability
- neuralgia
- tension

—— SIDE NOTE ——
To find out how St Johns Wort works visit:

http://www.sleepydust.net/SAINT-JOHNS-WORT.html

—— SIDE NOTE ——

Having said that, one of the most common side effects of St John’s Wort is fatigue, which is obviously relevant when you suffer from ME/CFS! So if you do try St John’s Wort, keep an eye on your energy levels. If they plummet even further, it may be a sign to rethink whether you should be taking it or not.

What’s more, St John’s Wort **has** been found to interfere with some prescription medicines. Studies published in the Lancet and the British Medical Journal have shown that St John’s Wort speeds up the breakdown of medicines in the body, leading to lower levels of the drugs in the blood. So if you’re taking other medication or supplements of any kind, that’s another factor for you and your doctor to consider before taking St Johns Wort.

—— SIDE NOTE ——
There are other side effects and dangers of St Johns Wort. You can find out more about some of these on this page:

http://www.sleepydust.net/ST-JOHNS-WORT-SIDE-EFFECT.html

—— SIDE NOTE ——

As with taking any new substance for the first time, the best thing you can do is to approach St Johns Wort with caution.

In essence, you should **not** take St John’s Wort until you have checked with your doctor that it is safe to do so. It’s also often advised to start slowly with a low dosage.

Although sometimes it gets remarkable results, sometimes St John’s Wort does nothing. It really is down to the individual. But research suggests that you do need to take St John’s Wort for a number of weeks in order for it to work.

Bottom line?

Always, ALWAYS check with your doctor first before taking St Johns Wort. And if you do decide to take it, keep an eye on your energy levels. If your fatigue worsens noticeably, then just be aware that it might be the St Johns Wort that’s causing it.

And if you do decide to try St Johns Wort, remember that research shows that you need to take St Johns Wort for a few weeks in order for it to start working.

—–

Copyright, Claire Williams, 2003-2005. All Rights Reserved.

——-

** Publication Guidelines **

The article above may be freely reproduced provided that:

(1) you only mail to a 100% opt-in list; (2) ALL links are

LIVE hyperlinks (3) the article is published in its entirety

including the title, copyright notice, & the author’s

bio & resource box (which must be placed directly below

the article).

—–

Claire Williams is editor of sleepydust.net and has suffered from Post Viral Fatigue Syndrome since 1995.

She created sleepydust.net to help ME / Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia sufferers deal with their condition - from handling their money worries, to recovering from their illness.

I believe that life is a game, and games are meant to be fun. Teasing, cajoling, and bantering can be great ways to add to the fun - or are they?

Where is that fine-line between fun, and degrading criticism?

Picture this:

It was a warm summer day. A group of friends were playing volleyball on the grass. There were children and adults running, swinging, bumping, and laughing. It was great fun. We were having some great volleys back and forth - quite impressive for a group that don’t play the game regularly.

“Great serve!”

“Way to go!”

“Cool teamwork, eh?”

“Good try. Hey, you’ll get it next time.”

Another group of visitors arrived, and two of them joined in. These two were vocal, except their words were of a different tone.

“Use those big feet to fly over there, will ya.”

“Serve it to Sally, she always misses.”

“Just aim for Tom’s big nose.”

“Look out. There goes the locomotive.”

These words were said in fun, but the atmosphere changed. Words of encouragement were tainted with remarks that were cutting in nature - not just by these two individuals, it was contagious. Within ten minutes, people were dropping out and wandering elsewhere. Fifteen minutes later, the game was done.

Why? Were participants physically exhausted?

I don’t think so.

Words are very powerful tools. They are similar to dynamite. They are small and seemingly insignificant on their own. However, when put to use, they can create amazing and wonderful things, or destroy wonderful things - depending on how they are used.

Appropriate humour is a beautiful, creative form of word art. It adds spice to life. It encourages us to think creatively, and to look for the “bright side.” It encourages us to look for alternatives and solutions, and to deal with life’s stressors in a positive way.

Humour builds rapport, confidence, and trust. It helps create a bond between people. It is an important ingredient in love.

Inappropriate humour is cutting, demeaning, and degrading. It tears people apart and destroys trust. I don’t believe that this is the intent - to hurt others. It happens out of a lack of awareness.

• What is the tone of your humour?

• What are the underlying messages in your words?

• Do they build yourself and others up, or tear yourself and others down?

In First-Aid, there is a procedure to save yourself if you are on-fire - Stop, Drop, & Roll. It makes sense to me that the same process can keep you from being burnt by delivering inappropriate humour.

(Drum roll, please!)

Ladies and Gentleman, presenting: Stop, Drop, & Roll for Appropriate Humour:

1. Become consciously aware of when you are going to deliver words meant to be humorous. Stop in that moment - don’t say it yet. I’m not suggesting that you need to give up spontaneity, but at least pause for a brief moment.

2. Drop the words into your conscious mind and heart. Think, sense, and feel.

• Are the words: positive or negative, enabling or disabling, supportive or manipulative, kind or tactless, respectful or disrespectful?
• How would you feel if these words were said to you, possibly at a time when your self-esteem was low?
• Are they about the person, or the situation? Words about a person may be taken as an attack. Whereas a situation is a chain of events, removed from the person, and often involve a multitude of other people and environmental conditions.
• What is the most appropriate way to say the words to show love and compassion, yet still tickle the funny-bone?

3. Roll with it! Let ‘er rip! Have fun! Use intonation, body language, and energy congruent with your purpose of making the situation light, and having fun in a loving, caring, respectful way.

Will you become a famous stand-up comedian, featured across the nation in every comedy bar? Not likely. However, you will be loved, honoured, and respected wherever you may be, because you love, honour, and respect others.

There are millions of slapdash, unemployed comedians. Don’t allow their numbers to go up by one.

Instead, amplify your business or job by using your appropriate humour. Use it to intensify your relationships wherever you go.

I challenge you to consciously become aware of your fun-intended words, and to practice Stop, Drop, & Roll for Appropriate Humour.

I guarantee that it will become much easier, spontaneous, and satisfying as you learn your own style. Your family, associates, and clients will appreciate you for it too.

Will it improve your effectiveness and productivity?

It works for me, and I know it will do the same for you.

Now, shut this thing off, and go have some fun!

Dan Ohler is Thinkin’ Outside The Barn!

Dan writes and speaks internationally on relationships, happiness, and change. He helps you learn the secrets to create life-long delightful relationships and abounding success.
For FREE how-you-can-do-it-too articles, visit http://ThinkinOutsideTheBarn.com/
To order your copy of “Thinkin’ Outside The Barn And Steppin’ Into Fresh B.S.” visit http://ThinkinOutsideTheBarn.com/

Alternative treatments for depression are gaining in popularity
as the side effects of common antidepressant medications are
becoming better understood.

Weight gain, dry mouth, constipation, headache, blurred vision
and diarrhea are just a few of the many potential adverse
reactions to prescription depression medications…alternative
cures present a safer, often equally effective solution.
There are different manifestations of the depressive state.

Depression may be chronic and ongoing, showing itself in an
overall decreased level of functioning. Depression may also be
cyclical, with the individual suffering emotional extremes (i.e.
elation or despair, euphoria or grief). Whatever form
depression takes, the ultimate result is the same. It is an
extremely serious condition that can impede an individual’s self
esteem, their ability to cope with stress and their capacity for
meaningful relationships. However, although depression can be a
severe physical and psychological condition, the good news is
that it is very treatable.

Cognitive and behavioral therapy are two psychological treatment
methods for depression. Cognitive therapy teaches the patient
to recognize negative feelings and thinking patterns that spark
the depression cycle. Behavioral therapy focuses on teaching
the patient to reinforce positive behaviors and coping methods
as they apply to everyday activities. Both treatments have
measured success, but require great investment and commitment on
the part of the patient.

Alternative treatments for depression can be used in conjunction
with medication and other psychological approaches for a more
holistic technique. Hypnotherapy is one example of a
non-traditional approach to depression. There are many
different forms of hypnotherapy available, each using a
combination of breath, regression, sound and/or visual imagery.
The main difference between hypnotherapy and other psychological
treatment methods for depression is that hypnotherapy brings
about quicker results than other methods by immediately
addressing subconscious issues.

You might say that behavioral and cognitive therapy take a
circuitous route to arrive at a cure, while hypnotherapy cuts
right to the chase. Hypnotherapy can act as a catalyst for
other psychological treatment methods for depression. It can
jump start the patient on the road to recovery, while a
combination of drugs and other psychological approaches can
reinforce positive behaviors.

Alternative treatments for depression can also include
meditation. There are two schools of thought regarding this
technique. The first is that meditation can help to calm the
heightened anxiety and worry that depression can bring about.
Breathing exercises and repetitive mantras can help to address
nervousness and unease. Others believe that the increased state
of self-observation during meditation can bring about an even
greater sense of despondency and should not be used without the
guidance of an experienced meditation practitioner. Regardless,
meditation remains one of the most popular alternative cures for
depression.

The bottom line is that depression can have very serious mental,
emotional and physical consequences. Alternative treatments for
depression such as hypnotherapy and meditation can offer a safe,
effective solution as well as help you avoid the potential side
effects of prescription medications.

http://www.meditation-techniques-and-alternative-healing.com

Jamie Lynn has dedicated herself to teaching others the Power of Meditation and other alternative health/healing tips and techiques for the mind, body and spirit!
http://www.meditation-techniques-and-alternative-healing.com

With my father, his brother and their father having had late onset Alzheimer’s I can’t help but wonder if someday it will be my fate. This is what I have told my family.

If it is ever me with Alzheimer’s disease please protect me. I don’t want to be lost. I have a terrible fear of ever being lost. Keep me safe from those who would take advantage of my confusion. Keep me fed and clean and dry. That having been said…please don’t try to keep me at home any longer than you can do it without taking a toll on your lives.
If this is my fate let me be in a happy place in my mind where you are my babies and I will give you hugs and kisses even if I don’t call you by name.

Let me be a part of your life but don’t surrender your life for mine. I want my husband to have a wife. I don’t especially want to meet her, but I do want him to keep living once I no longer understand. I want to keep as much dignity as I can for as long as I can and I want those who love me to understand that if I am not myself on the outside I am still me on the inside.

Bring me a puppy to cuddle, home made cookies to eat and soft blankets to cover me. Fill my room with pictures of my life so I can look at them and know I am loved.

Don’t ask me about my life…tell me about my life. Feel free to leave out the times I wasn’t at my best, or times that bring back painful memories (deaths of those I loved). Tell me about the good times.

Deborah Uetz
author of Into the Mist, When Someone You Love Has Alzheimer’s Disease
website http://www.intothemist.us

I’m surprised when some patients and caregivers confuse dementia and Alzheimer’s as one and the same. Each time a family member is suffering from memory loss, the conclusion is always Alzheimer’s. Is it reasonable to label all dementias as Alzheimer’s?

As a clinician, my answer to queries is that Alzheimer’s dementia is only one type of dementia and that not all dementias are Alzheimer’s. Aside from Alzheimer’s disease, other dementias exist such as Dementia with lewy body, Vascular dementia, Parkinson’s disease with dementia, and dementias due to various neurologic and medical conditions.

How will you know if a person is suffering from Alzheimer’s dementia? What is Alzheimer’s dementia?

Alzheimer’s dementia is a neurologic disorder characterized by a progressive and irreversible cognitive decline associated with impairment in functioning. The cognitive deterioration consists of memory impairment. Initially there is recent memory impairment but as the disease progresses, even the long term memory is affected.

In addition to memory impairment, a patient with dementia has impairment in one of four cognitive areas: aphasia, apraxia, agnosia, and impairment in executive functioning. Aphasia is a problem in language characterized by inability to express oneself, repeat words or phrases, or understand what is being said. Apraxia is inability to adequately perform a usual motor activity such as combing the hair or brushing the teeth despite no paralysis or musculoskeletal abnormality.

Agnosia is inability to recognize objects or things despite no sensory deficits. For instance, a demented patient cannot recognize a key or a pen placed in his or her hands without looking at it.

Impairment in executive functioning is characterized by difficulty in abstract reasoning and in organizing things, schedule, and activities. Patients with this problem give concrete meaning to proverbs. For example, when a patient is asked what “don’t cry over spilled milk” means, the patient responds, “It’s easy. Just wipe it!” Moreover, knowing the specific similarities and differences of certain things (e.g. apple versus orange) is a struggle for some patients.

What are the possible causes of Alzheimer’s?

The cause of Alzheimer is still unknown. However, several risk factors have been identified. One major risk factor is age. The risk of developing dementia increases as our age advances. Older individuals therefore are more at risk. Having said this, Alzheimer’s can also happen to young individuals.

Other important risk factors include the presence of apolipoprotein E4 allele, the predominance of plaques and tangles in the brain, and the brain’s impaired cholinergic system.

Is there any successful treatment for Alzheimer’s?

Alzheimer’s disease is irreversible so current medications are only geared to slow down the deterioration. These acetylcholisterase inhibitors, namely galantamine, rivastigmine, and donepezil, are aimed at improving the cholinergic functioning in the brain by inhibiting the cholinesterase enzyme. Although initially indicated for mild to moderate dementia, some recent evidence shows that some of these drugs may also benefit patients with moderate to severe dementia. Further studies are warranted to determine its efficacy in this group.

Copyright © 2004. All rights reserved. Dr. Michael G. Rayel – author (First Aid to Mental Illness–Finalist, Reader’s Preference Choice Award 2002), psychiatrist, and inventor of Oikos Game: An Emotional Intelligence Game. For info, visit http://www.oikosglobal.com and http://www.soardime.com